What a year! As they all are, of course, but I find myself looking back fondly on 2018 as a year of personal growth and maturity. Good times and bad dot my calendar as if people, memories and experiences can appear and disappear in a 24 hour period. While I look back on 2018, I invite you to be thinking about the word you would use to characterize 2018. These are my three categories to ponder and explain some possible growth.
Some people have an innate confidence about them. They are born with it and you can pick it out, even when they are young. Others have to gain it and struggle a lot to keep it. I don’t think these people, myself included, are necessarily insecure, I believe their struggle with confidence comes from the idea of wanting to do so much good because they care so much. I have done a lot of Professional Development at our school in the last couple of years, but this year I finally am mature enough to understand why I am so passionate about it.
Teaching is not easy. In fact, there are many days that pretty much suck. The needs of students keep getting bigger and bigger, with less and less support in certain situations. Teachers carry a lot of this burden to and from school with them because they care so deeply about their students. It can take a toll on all of us. While my students will always be very important to me, I think part of my maturity this year was to embrace helping other teachers as much as possible. The PD we have done has always been planned with the idea of helping and supporting teachers. While the AVID group does a lot of it, we don’t have to do all of it. But until someone else comes along and wants to, we are going to continue to do the best we can, in the time we are given, because we care and are simply trying to help. I think I was trying to impress people when I started helping with PD, trying to show them how good of a teacher I was. But I am only one person and I still have a long way to go to be the teacher I want to be when I am “old”. I really care about our staff and want them to be the best, be healthy and happy.
I don’t know if it is the age of my kids or the fact that they are all in school, but the girls are really fun right now. Every stage is a blessing, blah, blah, blah, but I am loving this one. We can go and experience and do it as a family. It is almost as if I have matured enough to trust in how much they can do on their own. As they get older as my mom said, I have learned to let go a tiny bit. (Still a control freak, don’t worry…..)
Jason and I celebrated our 15 year anniversary this summer and we are really happy. We still struggle with finding enough time to hang out with each other, but I don’t think that will change anytime soon as our children grow. We accomplished the goal of finishing the basement and our family has loved having the extra space. All couples should have to go through a project before getting married. It can be a true test of a relationship.
My favorite quote floating around 2018 is “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” At the end of school last year, my cup was empty. I was not in a happy place and made the decision to spend the summer regaining some balance in my life. Who would have known, The Summer of ME would lead to all of this and I would fill a void with all of you. It was an aspect of my life I did not even know was missing. And while I do not post as often as I would like or have not monetized the blog yet, my maturity level has increased enough to know it will happen in due time and there are other things on my plate right now. For the first time in my life, I can kind of deal with that. Again, some days my circle is in a million broken pieces, but I am coming to understand I don’t have to be everything, all at once, for every single person I have ever met. That expectation is pure ridiculousness. But I would put that pressure on myself every day and never give any time or room to breathe to myself. And you showed me, that I am not alone. Parents, adults, teachers, people in general, try to be so much, without ever thinking that maybe we just are enough. Maybe some days we can’t handle it all and that’s okay. Maybe some days we accomplish everything on the list and twenty more things and that’s enough. Just maybe………..
This world we live in is complicated and this adulting thing is really hard. Maybe you just wake up at 37 and finally feel like an adult. I am not sure the answer, but I don’t think I can recall another year leaving as such a blessing for what it was. Obviously, besides the birth of the girls and getting married and all of that……
Challenge Time!! Okay, so what is your word? How would you describe your 2018? Goods and bads, challenges and successes have all played into your year. Share it with us and as many details as you would like. It will be so fun to hear all of your words!! You can share them here or on our Facebook page, Speaking Jelinese. As always, your support means the world to me and anytime you like, share and comment, it is amazing. Let’s hear those words!!
Talk to you soon,